Duran

You ever just meet someone and you just click right off the bat without even trying to. Those people you meet and just get a good feeling from and you start to vibe and it seems like you have known each other for a life time? That is exactly what it was like when I met one of my best friends of my life, Duran. Except this wasn’t your normal meeting of two people. Duran and I met each other in rehab. Both of us coming in the same exact day. When you first got to this rehab facility, whoever brings you drops you off and then its good bye for what could be six to nine months.

After your ride leaves ( mine happened to be my father) they check you into the detox unit. Some rehabs will give you medicine to help with withdrawals, but this place wasn’t one of those. You had to stay in the detox unit until you weren’t sick anymore then you could move onto the regular part of the rehab and be with the general population. I was so afraid at that point. I had to face the fact that I had become addict and that I was over four hours away from my family in a different state, in a place where I knew no one and I knew the pain I was about to experience with withdrawal.

I was put into a room with two beds but they only allowed single occupants so you could try to be more comfortable. I went straight out to the smoking area and put my hood up and started smoking. I hated smoking but after becoming addicted to opiates, I started smoking menthol cigarettes’ like crazy. There were four or five people already in the detox unit when I got there. Most of them were older than me and all of them were as miserable as I was. I was there for a few hours, non stop smoking when I noticed someone else come into the unit. He was a tall guy who looked my age and he came right out and asked if I had a cig.

I gave him one and he said ” hey bro, I’m Duran what is your name?’ From that moment on we hit it off. He was from Florida, I am from Ohio. We had a ton of stories to tell each other and even through the suffering of withdrawal, he made it tolerable. We would talk all day and all night. We couldn’t sleep because of the withdrawals, they just keep you up. Your hot then cold . Your aching and tired but can’t sleep. You can’t eat and your legs are non stop moving. We made it through it though and kept motivating each other to fight through the pain and not give up.

Some people were there legally to stay out of jail. Duran and I were there because we had enough and wanted our lives back. He started feeling better before me and got moved to the main rehab area before I did. Those were a long few nights and the pain persisted. Once I was moved over to the main area, I was assigned a room with two other guys who I didn’t know. Duran and I were only a few doors down so I could go hangout with him after our classes. The main rehab was almost like school. The first section you are in a class room eight hours a day.

Duran already had a partner from being there earlier than me, but we went through the whole rehab together. He was just a little ahead of me. We got closer and closer and he got me into working out again. Duran was jacked and he pushed my ass to get into the gym three times a day everyday. I started actually eating and started feeling good. He kept pushing me and I started to actually gain confidence back. He would always tell me everyday I was meant to do great things and I never understood why. Little did he know I looked up to him and gained a lot of confidence from being around him.

After we had been in rehab five months, our parents got to come around Christmas time. I had seen my mother in so long and the last time she saw me I was strung out and was lucky if I weighed 140 pounds soaking wet. When I finally saw her and my siblings I was weighing 205. Duran and I were like brothers at this point. We’d spent all day everyday together for almost half a year and I couldn’t wait for him to meet my family. My Mother adored him and after spending the day with my Family, he felt like one of us. I think about that moment almost every day of my life.

I wish that it had a happy ending and I was writing a happy story. Unfortunately, I’m not. Duran and I finished rehab almost the same exact time. He went to Florida and I went back to Ohio and we stayed in touch everyday. I got a job and my own place and was doing good, except I was drinking which at that point I thought was fine. Slowly Duran started to change when he called me. He started to say that he felt tempted and I told him maybe he should move here. A few days later he said he had slipped up and used but it wasn’t that big of deal but that he wanted to get out of Florida.

I called one day and told him ” listen brother, I am going to buy you a plane ticket here.” He asked me to send him the money and I refused, I said I would buy him the ticket but wasn’t going to send money because I knew what I did with money once I used. I didn’t hear from him the following day and the next night I went out with a few friends and went to the bar. I got really drunk and drove home and based out. I remember my phone waking me up at 3 am, it was my mother. She asked me if I was sitting down and I told her yes I was laying in bed.

That’s when she told me Duran had died. The feeling I felt that morning, was the same feeling I feel as I am typing this now. Duran was a beautiful soul. He was a beautiful human being in so many ways and he motivated me and made me believe in myself everyday. After Duran died my drinking took off and it almost ended me. After my battle with addiction and alcoholism I am blessed to even be able to write this. Four years sober from everything, having a clear mind and outlook on life. Being a husband , father, brother , son. I think daily about how he could be all those things right next to me to this day, but addiction took another great one.

We struggle as men and sometimes the stigma seems like we have to be the strongest ones and can’t show weakness or ask for help. Don’t believe that. As men, as fathers, as husbands. We need to all be brothers and help those in need and be there for one another even if its just being an ear to listen. Life is worth living and even the heaviest burden on a mans soul isn’t worth losing their life over. Lets not lose another great one like Duran! I miss him daily and wish my children could of known him. Don’t let you our anyone you know lose their life to addiction! There is hope and you are not in this alone! Stay strong!