God has a reason

God does have a reason why he does the things that he does. We might not understand them or why they are happening, but behind it all God has a reason and a purpose and it’s all part of his wonderful plan. Times like these that I am experiencing I have to make sure that I keep telling myself that and not let myself get into my feelings and get on a destructive thinking loop that serves no purpose in the long run. Times like these I remind myself that I am but a mear part in the whole thing and things are bigger than me or my worries or sorrows.

God has laid me out my personal path, and though I vere away from it and fill my life will distraction and nonsense that has no meaning and serves no purpose and takes me away from letting the inner light in my heart shine and use my God given gifts to not only help others but to give others the confidence to let their lights shine and to continue to bring others to find them true selves and not be slave to the flesh but to aspire and bask in the great depths of the spirit. Going into solitary confinement in one of my jail stints, you have nothing or anyone to distract you from you.

You are forced to be with yourself and face all the things that are hidden away with everyday distractions. Peeling back all the layers you realize how important it’s it to love yourself and love others as you love yourself. When I first got clean off alcohol and had the constant paranoia of fear of judgment for being an alcoholic. Fear of people never getting to know the real you because the ghost of your alcoholic/ addicted self haunts the present memories of those around you. I had done so many awful things as a drunk that I instantly saw the capabilities of everyone to do awful things at anytime.

It made it so hard to trust anyone at first and I never thought I could let another friend all the way in and reveal to them all my faults and failures, past and present. Let someone know all the things I’d done wrong because I thought it would eventually get used against me or I would be judged for it behind my back. I never thought in a million years I’d go through all the rough part my path had brought me so far and I’d end up in a factory. I quickly started to realize my story and my struggle could help people and inspire others. I started to share what I had overcome, but I left out a lot of things in the story like how I felt in those moments where I thought I was living in hell and everything was ripped to shreds.

I just tell what I overcame and try to inspire people to vere away from that path. That is till i met my brother. The reason I am writing this blog and the reason I have to remind myself habitually of the ultimate plan God has. When I saw josh for the first time I remember seeing a red beanie, a bright orange beard and huge bulky headphones with an antenna on them. The first time we talked one on one was outside of military one warm calm night. We poured our hearts out to each other. We went over every aspect of the addiction struggle and talked of the monsters it turned us into.

We talked of how it consumed us so fast and how it made us hurt those we love the most. Then we talked about overcoming and sustaining. Being the foundation for currently struggling addicts to build their recoveries on. Being the example that it can be done and not everyone has to die a statistic. We spoke of God’s’ love and Jesus’s ultimate sacrifice. We spoke of how little we felt we deserved what we have all received and the knowledge and wisdom we obtained through the struggle that God has us go through. We spoke of being warriors for overcoming a grip hold that we never saw letting go.

We spoke of our testimonies and using it to to show Gods grace and inspire hope in those who have given up. We spoke how much we felt the responsibilities of being a Father, a Husband, A son and a servant of God. After the hours we spoke and laughed and cried it began a friendship unlike any i have ever had. You understood the struggle because you went through it as well. That was the beginning of an everlasting friendship and brotherhood that knows no earthly bounds. God brought are paths together for a reason and I think it was to let eachother know its safe to be us.

Safe to be who God intended and forgive ourselves as he forgives us and use our light to illuminate the souls of our fellow brothers and sisters of God. Your light shined so bright that God needed it more in Heaven than we do down here. Thanks to the grace of God I got to meet you and your family and I got to pick up on all the God given gifts you had and they will forever be ingrained into the fabric of my being to pass on to others . You inspired me, you made me better, you challenged me but most of all you reminded me everyday of the potential in me that I couldn’t see in myself.

That was the best thing about you Josh, you made everyone else around you better without every asking for a thing in return. You were one of a kind brother! May you rest in peace and until we meet again….. BUBBA JS 4 LIFE